There has been a lot of discussion recently in the more highly regarded guitar publications concerning the correct preening etiquette when one finds oneself in the company of rock hairdos. I know most of us will never count ourselves lucky to be surrounded by such an assortment of quills, but if you do, amongst the most important things to remember are: never back comb after midnight, never touch another man’s hairspray, and most vitally of all, never ever mention another’s manscape.
It is true that a lot of the front men in rock bands are, or think of themselves, as alpha males. This comes from the fact that their dermis produces a substantial amount of alpha-keratin, the protein used in the formation of the hairy layer that falls from the top of the crown to somewhere between should blades and the bullet belt. The power of the mane in a musician’s life has been well documented from the time of John Bull’s elizabethan dreadlocks through Vivaldi’s permanent perm to the present day. We can only be thankful that the knowledge that conditioner plays in the upkeep of ones apple patch has recently led to the right to a glossy top for all.
That leads me to the sub-genre of music known as Glab Rock. These bands, or solo artists, have lost their musical manes over the years, but somehow have managed to combine forces within their little group and soldier on, shiny but bold. Fish is a particularly fine example of the Samsonian tragedy that can strike one down when the follicle challenge arises. What often accompanies the lack of renewal of the sebaceous gland’s ability to stimulate growth of hair, is a descent into madness and often includes hallucinations that can be of extra-terrestrials, past life rock gods and even an intimate fireside chat with Dionysus himself. This ancient in the pantheon of rock gods actually started the whole hairy legacy, declaring that hair, and in particular the length of it, is holy and the longer it is, the closer to the divine one becomes. In very rare cases, such as Reg Dwight, or Elton as he prefers to be known by the other hairies, a special blend of witchcraft, cutting edge science and the regular use of ointments can bring the mane back to the man, although, much like Dorian Gray, I suspect there are far more side effects that are kept in the attic.
Back in the earliest days of hair rock, Huxley and Henle formed the supergroup now known as Follic Off. The string of classics that they penned between 68 and 73, such as Hairy Woman, Brush It Off and Make Mine A Mullet, cemented their standing in the Hairband hall of fame. This led to the renaming of the parts of the hair known as the layers to become Huxley and Henle layers. A fitting tribute to immortalise the greatest of syrups.
The famous myth of Samson losing his strength after the treacherous betrayal by having his hair cut whilst he slept has fortunately given us the wookie helmet, and no self respecting, alpha male, rock god wannabe would ever dream of a good night’s sleep without first inserting his bonce into the insurance policy that lies on his pillow. Who can ever forget the coiffured tresses of Tom Jones singing lines from the 45th psalm: ‘Why, why, why? Delilah’. Thank God a license is needed in today’s enlightened world to own a pair of scissors or a hair trimmer. So lucky.
Anyway, for any aspiring musician out there today, just remember not to neglect your daily practise routine and please ensure that somewhere between arpeggios, sweep picking and modal position acrobatics you include split ends, rhythmic brushing (100 times a day) and the use of a hairnet, particularly at more challenging speeds. Thanks for reading.
Commentaires